Joel & Jesse

 

"Mom"

 

You're under appreciated:

We love everything you do

and everything about you.

You'd do anything for us

Without one bit of fuss;

And though we never say it,

We always appreciate it.

You can find a bright spot in everything

And give happiness to almost anything.

"The Sox and Pats aren't fettered:

Next year they'll be extremely bettered."

Each of us knows you've got you're "things"

Coffee, books and diamond rings.

And though we don't always say it,

Our love will always convey it.

We Love you""

Joel and Jesse 1994

 

 

Barry

 

"Harriet’s Story"

 

Harriet’s story cannot be told without telling mine. The pages of the book are vast and far too many to adequately represent and summarize my feelings for Harriet. However, the story is one of the best, only full of love and the fondest memories and events. Having the book closed is the hardest of all. It is a story that was ended far too soon. Other than the love I feel for my mother and for Seena have I ever felt such love and compassion for an individual. Harriet was not a sister-in-law; she was a “Sister.” As I write this, I try not to think too hard, for my heart beats too loudly with pain and sorrow from her loss, or more appropriately our loss. On so many occasions, do I (and when I say “I,” I mean Seena and myself), want to turn towards Harriet, ask her question, get her opinion, just say “hi.” While my thoughts of Harriet seem late, difficulty in writing them prevented a timely prose. The words are hard to get out, because anger over her loss has stopped me many times.

Having first met Harriet at age 17, our relationship spans 33 years - a generation at least. I should say that my first real recollection of Harriet was at Howard’s apartment on Remson Avenue . While Howard was screaming and threatening to rip up my poorly written freshmen English paper at Rutgers Newark, Harriet was there to bring “control, reason and compassion” to a rather uncomfortable situation. These three attributes underscore Harriet. They are Harriet and have imprinted Harriet within my heart ever since. Never did Harriet ever deviate from these traits.  She was the best of the best. Though smarter than Howard, she never used her wisdom to over shadow him or any one else. She was a tiny package with far greater bounds than I could describe in such a limited space.

The years with Harriet, included meeting her at her dorm at Douglas, being part of her family, their engagement party (which prevented me from going to Woodstock - I had to sell my ticket to a friend), my first wedding at which I was best man, staying with them on so many occasions in their apartment in Harvard, almost on a monthly basis, going up there with Seena, seeing them move into their fist home in Needham, calling for Maynard Needleman (i.e., our code name to find out if her fist - AKA Joely Canoli - was born while Seena and I were on a cross-country vacation; at that time, we had limited money to constantly call), and finding out when we were in Berkley, CA that Joel was the newest member of our family.  I remember seeing them when we arrived home: Joel was not much smaller than Harriet.  After that, the years rolled on, Seena & I moved often, though with CBS and Kodak, we found ourselves back East, and able to be near Howard and Harriet, seeing our families expand with the additions of Jess, Jay and Shari . Having two each, the kid factory stopped, though I did feel Harriet would have liked a girl. Over the years, Harriet was a sounding board on so many subjects – the kids, Howard, arts, and life in general, and to jump several years to the time near her death, Harriet was instrumental in helping us deal with Shari’s new found freedom in college; again, she filled the role of sister to Seena & I, as well as a friend and auntie to Shari. Even in later years, many personal writings were passed on to Harriet for her review and edification.

The interesting thing with Harriet was her lack of being judgmental. We found it very unusual and a great counterbalance for all those Needlemans surrounding her. It is a testament to her as well as to my wife, Seena, that they could exist is this sort or environment and at the same time have a tremendous impact on decisions and outcomes. Something sorely missed with the Needleman women of the previous generation.

As I write this, visions pop into my head – seeing Harriet sitting with her legs somewhat crossed on the couch in the den, reading as Howard & I discussed things - she always was listening and chimed in only when needed or to voice her opinion; like Seena, mostly she let us talk nonsense without getting involved.  I see her walking with me at Douglas, I see her in Boston, I see her with us in Reno during Thanksgiving of 1977, I see her in her first home in Needham, I see her walking with us and the kids in Hamden, I see her in her in the kitchen having coffee with me on Richardson Drive, but the most vivid of all, is being with her a month before her passing.  Did I say “I Love You” to her?  I hope I did, but if not, she knew I did.  Did I hug her?  I hope I did, but if not she knew how I felt.  I see her in my mind, my heart and in my soul. 

Harriet was and still is my sister, my friend and now a void within my heart.

In closing, Harriet, you now have the easiest part of all, and to my dying day I will miss you so. Though I dwell on the days we had, I feel a loss for the days we could have had.

 

Your brother,

Barry

 

 

 

Bevy's email to Howard 2/14/2000

 

Hi
.....I have come to believe that most people never love each other the way you and Harri did.
Love, Bevy

 

Dear Bevy,

Hate to respond via email, but given our schedules, this might be best.

I'm very busy trying to "live" life, but it's very shallow without sharing EVERYTHING with Harriet.  The depth of my grief is so vast, that just writing about it brings tears to my eyes and crushing pressure on my chest.  I don't share this with many and I don't want to depress you by sharing my feelings.  I know how stoic you are on the outside, but after playing (sorry) that song that made you cry I'm reminded how sensitive and vulnerable you are.

I am so touched with your line, "I have come to believe that most people never love each other the way you and Harri did".  Was it that obvious to the outside?  I never thought that we were perceived to be so in love, especially with me not being romantic.  With all of our bickering in public, I would have thought that the outside would have perceived the contrary.  We did that to maintain the highest level of openness and honesty with each other which was the basis for our relationship and thus our true love.  I cry knowing that I will never have it again...

Sorry to dump all of this on you, but I'm very needy to share in hope that exposing my feelings to myself and those that I love will help me and other heal....

With all my love,
Howard

 

 

Harry Needleman

A while ago you requested family and friends to pass along to you any thoughts or memories we had regarding Harriet. You also mentioned at Harriet's unveiling how life is moving at a faster pace, and you have a sense of being in slow motion. I took my time to respond with this writing because I wanted to mull over my thoughts for a while, writing is not my forte and because my life is moving forward. My life is busy, but I also want you to know that I frequently think about Harriet. Carina and I discuss Harriet, and we having nothing but the fondest memories of her.

During Harriet's funeral, I was impressed by the many compliments regarding how she touched and affected so many people through her work. It didn't surprise me that Harriet had impacted so many people, but rather the description of her professional life described Harriet as I know and understand her. Harriet was a warm sensitive person who always showed an interest in others and always managed to bring the best in other people. She has a way of having you feel good about yourself.

Living apart we only had the opportunity to meet at Bar Mitzvahs and family gatherings. Harriet always instinctively would ask Carina and me about how things are going with our boys, or start conversations about things that were taking place with our lives. Discussions were never initiated or focused on Harriet and her life. It was apparent to me that its this approach that Harriet brought to her professional life, and why she was so successful as a Speech Pathologist. Harriet was able to be her endearing self and able to have people to respond to her because of the type of person she was. She always displayed these qualities in her personal life, and I'm glad I had the opportunity to have this small window into her professional life.

While I'm saddened by the loss of Harriet, I'm also saddened that it is no longer Howard and Harriet. You were a warm, charming and sincere couple. Whenever we had an opportunity to be with each other, both of you always demonstrated an interest in what was taking place with my family. Both of you were always sincere and made it easy to hold mutual respect. While we look forward to the times we'll be able to spend with you, we'll continue to miss Harriet. We'll always love Harriet.

Both of you were very well suited for one another, more so than most couples. With the stage of life you had reached I know there was a lot both of you had to look forward to and enjoy. Unfortunately, you won't have that opportunity to share those experiences with Harriet. Every time I think about either of you, I think about Howard and Harriet, and my mind always seems wanders to what both of you have lost.

I'm glad that you are healing and working through your grieving process. Again, we were glad to see you this past weekend. I hope we're able to spend more time together, either with just you, other friends or at family gatherings. It helps us to see that you're managing and moving forward. I'm also not surprised that you have a strong support network. However, if you ever need to talk with either of us, please call or send an e-mail. We've always found it easy to talk with you and will be glad to help you however we can.

Love,

'Baby' Harry